Feeling Under (Self-Imposed) Pressure? Try This 30-Second Reset to Regain Calm and Clarity
Ever find yourself feeling caught in the pressure of your own expectations? Unable to move, or barely think straight, let alone make 'good' or 'wise' decisions?
I spent years being really good at stopping myself from taking action — purely because of the pressure I was putting myself under. But once I knew how to tackle this, I found it became much easier than I expected to help myself 'get out of it.' In this post, I’ll share my super simple (and quick) approach to self-imposed pressure. It won’t 'solve everything,' but it’ll give you the first practical step you need to move forward.
How to recognise you’re putting yourself under pressure
Most of us don’t need to be told when we’re experiencing pressure.
Me, I suck under pressure. I tend to get flustered, shut down, become super irritable and grumpy... and honestly, I can't really function. It’s super obvious when this happens — although interestingly, I don’t always recognise or attribute the pressure that is contributing to my 'lack of function' in the first place.
So, the first thing to do when you find yourself in a state of panic, fluster, or shut down is to ask yourself: "Am I putting myself under pressure here?"
This isn’t about judging ourselves. It’s simply about recognising what’s happening. We need to be able to recognise what’s happening before we can then start taking the steps to make changes that will actually benefit us.
The second thing you might want to ask yourself is if you’re thinking a particular thought that could be contributing to the pressure. For example, many of us experience an inner critical voice (sometimes disguised as “I’m just being rational!”). It might say things like "You should be further along by now," or "Other people would have figured this out already," or "You’re behind; you can’t afford to..."
These voices tend to speak in absolutes, ie. black or white — and these absolutes can feel very heavy and weighty. That 'weight' can contribute to the pressure we feel under.
Once you’re aware of this type of voice (it usually comes with a lot of judgment!), you’ll notice how it’s great at creating self-imposed pressure! But the good news is, we’re the ones that are creating the pressure, so we’re the ones that can take it off again.
And the just-as-good news is, you don’t need to do it all at once.
The 30-Second 'Pocket Pause' for Self-Imposed Pressure
Here’s my recipe for relieving self-imposed pressure:
The first (and maybe the hardest) thing to understand is that you don't have to do or be anything else right now.
When we feel pressure, our natural reaction is to want to relieve it or get rid of it. We want to move away from it.
That's completely natural. However, when we're already in that pressurised state, we tend to unwittingly use more pressure against ourselves to try and 'escape' the pressure.
If that sounds like a hilariously bad vicious cycle, it's because it is. But in my experience, it's often what happens. (Not because we're rubbish; we just haven't learned any other options.)
An important thing you want to remember: You can’t relieve pressure with more pressure.
So, although your instinct might be to 'push hard' or 'steer away' to get out of the pressure-zone, here’s another way to approach it.
Imagine you’re creating a small, metaphorical 'pocket.' A pocket of space and time that holds you.
It's not large. It doesn't have to be forever. But it allows you to be who you are, right now.
In that pocket, you have time to observe. This pocket relieves the pressure, even just slightly. It's from here that you have time and space to decide on what you want to do next — with clearer mind and calmer body.
How to create your 30-second metaphorical 'pocket' or pause:
Take time to have a breath. Inhale deeply or slowly.
Acknowledge the pressure. You might want to say to yourself: "I can feel pressure right now, and that's okay."
(Optional) Imagine your pocket. You might want to imagine a small protective bubble around you where nothing needs to happen — yet.
(Optional) Loosen your grip. Take a moment to physically release the tension in your shoulders, jaw, hands, etc. Imagine gravity is doing its work. You don’t need to do anything, you just need to let go… by 10%.
(Optional) Ask one small question. If you’re feeling calm, ask yourself something like, "What's one thing that might help right now?"
The Power of Starting with Acceptance
The starting point for relieving pressure is always to accept where we are now.
If I'm feeling anxious, my starting point is: "I'm allowed to feel anxious. I am okay. I'm allowed to be here."
This little pocket gives me space. From there, I can ask myself more intelligent questions — and I can guarantee you I'll be 100% more receptive to the answer.
If your brain is reading this and thinking "That's too simple, I need a more comprehensive answer," I'd say first of all: Try it. The more comprehensive answers come from being in that pocket and creating that space for yourself in the first place.
Why Pushing Harder Doesn't Work: The Mountain Bike Lesson
I once took a friend mountain biking. She knew how to ride a bike, but hadn't done so for many years and wasn't especially confident.
As we were going down a hill, her front wheel and handlebars started to wobble — and instinctively, she grabbed the handlebars tighter — because she sensed she was out of control and needed to DO something.
However, she overcorrected.
She steered so hard the other way she completely unbalanced the bike, swerved into my path, and we both ended up crashing.
It wasn't her fault. She was scared, and I hadn't appreciated her relative lack of experience on a bicycle.
But if she had known, she could have released the pressure slightly on her handlebars and held them loosely in her hands, whilst regaining control.
What this experience taught me was that you don't always need to exert more force to regain control. In fact, applying more force (or pressure) often has negative unintended consequences.
This same principle applies to our 30-second 'reset' or pause — loosening our grip rather than tightening it creates the space we need to regain balance.
You don’t need to release your grip completely. Your hands don't need to be in the air, 6 inches away. But if they're gripping super hard right now, release that grip by 5 or 10%. And once you've done that, see what happens if you release them by another 5 or 10%.
When we release our grip, our attention widens. And when our attention is no longer on the pressure itself, our answers come more easily.
Where to next?
If you found this post helpful, you might be interested in my Free Resources page — where you’ll find tools, techniques and gentle guides on how to gain clarity, perspective, and tap into your own wisdom as a creative human being. Get them here >